Want to know how mixed messages are no good for teens? If so, then read on!
One of the ways well intentioned parents give their daughter’s mixed messages is through expectations and assumptions. Often times, because a daughter may seem really mature, parents assume she is and treat her as such. Or if she looks like an adult, parents and people begin to treat her this way. When daughters don’t live up to assumptions or expectations, parents are disappointed or even angry with their daughter. This is no good for teens, because even if they seem mature and adult, they aren’t!
And just because teens often want to be treated as adults, it doesn’t mean parents should treat them this way. Many parents fall convinced that their daughter will make good decisions, so they allow many behaviors to happen. For example, some parents are talked into co-ed sleepovers with alcohol and other substances. While your daughter may convince you that she knows her limit, and everyone is just friends, with their pre-frontal cortex under development along with being under the influence, mature decisions are much less likely to happen. While yes, we need to allow teens to make mistakes, we also need to help them think critically, which is one area of their brain that is under construction. Most teens don’t honor their limits every time they use substances, and peer pressure is real in these settings. Even many adults still have trouble in honoring their limits on a consistent basis!
Mixed Messages are Detrimental
How mixed messages are no good for teens and parents is that they lead to unrealistic expectations and assumptions. Mixed messages also leads to confusion about what is ok and not ok for your teen to be doing. In addition, mixed messages leads to more arguments as inconsistent boundaries and rules create more opportunity for conflict.
In conclusion, parents, remember your daughter’s brain is under BIG TIME development. She is not ready to make full on grown up decisions. She needs clear boundaries and expectations that are appropriate for a teen. Your daughter also needs your love and care. She will have lots of time to be an adult, and you can help her navigate the teen years by remembering how old she really is.
If you are a well intentioned parent who could use some support around parenting, you aren’t alone. Wise Girl Workshops has helpful parent workshops available. Check out our Upcoming Workshops page for more info. For other great info on the teenage brain, take a look at The Teenage Brain, by Frances E. Jensen, MD and Amy Ellis Nutt.
Here’s to growing Wise Girls!
