Not too long ago, I was the towering presence of security and love. My daughters growing to my knees, then thighs. Moving eventually to my stomach, breasts, and shoulders. We didn’t need any solid measurements. My body held the benchmarks of their growth.
Gazing downward, I’d meet their child eyes and rapture them in timeless hugs.
But then one day, seemingly out of nowhere, we meet eye to eye. Inch by inch they continue to move upward. Eventually raising my chin to catch a view, now my head rests on their shoulders. Just as theirs’ had on mine.
Handling Difficult Changes
The tides are turning.
This November, my daughter is lovingly caught in photograph hugging me. Arms wrapped solidly around the person who loves her most.
While I believe she’ll always need those hugs from me, this is a hug of reassurance. It whispers, “I’ll be ok mom.” It’s no longer my hug or our hug. It’s her hug to me, and it’s different than any other hug I’ve been given. Yet it’s familiar, as I remember hugging my parents the same way during my later adolescence and college days.
I know this is just one of the many hugs like this one coming my way. I also know there will still be the old hugs, like when she experiences a break-up, someone she loves dies, or when she just needs mom. I’ll be there to hold her for sure.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to watch the shift in our relationship. Daughter separating from mother as she develops more and more confidence. Mother being there when she waivers. I’ll take any hug in whatever form and remember just how precious each stage of our life together is.
While I’m no longer the towering presence I once was, I’ll strive to remain the EVER presence of love and security in their lives. And hopefully, as time passes, they’ll have an overflowing well of strength filled with this mother’s love to help them along their way.
Understanding how to handle difficult changes of children growing into teens and then into adulthood is essential knowledge for parents. With this knowledge, parents have more compassion and understanding for what children are going through and what they need from parents.
Lisa Damour’s book, Untangled, is a wonderful resource for parents that addresses the transition girls make into adulthood. In addition, I offer group and private coaching sessions for parents of teens. You can find out more info here.
