When Your Daughter Doesn’t Need You the Same
This week, I felt like another layer of parenting quietly arrive.
To be honest, it’s one I wasn’t expecting.
My daughter has been away at college for the last seven months, so what could be different now? I thought I had this stage down.
But I don’t.
How do I know? Because there’s a new ache in my heart.
And here’s the interesting part — it’s the very thing I’ve been hoping for all along.
I called her the other night while I was putting chili in the crockpot for the next day, hoping to chat. She was finishing up studying and then heading to a friend’s room to help her dye her hair.
Yesterday? Studying in the library.
The day before? Snowboarding.
Before that? A basketball game.
You get the drift.
She’s busy…
With friends.
With hobbies.With academics.
With a full, beautiful life.
She’s settling in. She doesn’t need me quite the same way she did in semester one.
I miss her, and I’m thrilled all at the same time.
Parenting is a Series of Stages
You probably understand this feeling — even if you don’t have a college kid yet.
Because parenting is a series of stages. Just when we think we’ve adjusted, another one arrives.
There’s the:
- Reading-on-her-own stage
- Sleepover stage
- Staying-home-alone stage
- Changing-friend-groups stage
- Puberty stage
- Getting-her-first-device stage
- Whittling-down-hobbies stage
- Closed-door stage
- Craving-independence-but-still-needing-you stage
- Inner-critic-gets-loud stage
- Identity-exploration stage
- Managing-her-own-schedule stage
- Driving stage
- Romantic stage
- College-application stage
And there’s so many more.
Some stages are universal.
Some are unique to your child.
All of them stretch us.
What I’m learning (again) is that growth always carries a little grief. Not because something is wrong — but because something is changing.
The stages just keep coming.
I’m so grateful I get to be here for every single one — even when my heart aches a little in the process.
Here’s to raising Wise Girls who don’t need us the same way forever.
Who fill their days with friendships and passion.
And who carry our love with them wherever they go.
Looking for Support
When your doesn’t need you the same, you can rely on our community for support. Check out all our offerings for our Wise Parent Workshops where we offer a monthly book club, monthly meetings, and one day workshops on relevant topics to help parents do their best.
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