Amazing College Tours with My Daughter:
“You’ve got to put yourself out there.”
“Go to class.”
“It was hard at first. It seemed like everyone was having way more fun than me. All the friends and parties. But it’s all fake. We all feel homesick and think everyone’s got it better. So delete your social media for a few days and go and meet people.”
“It’s the community that makes college great. We all look out for each other.”
“Most kids go abroad at some point.”
“Your professors care.”
“You get to discover so much about yourself.”
“I can’t believe it’s almost over,” the panels of current college students declare.
I’m nearly in tears. My mom-friend grabs my hand and winds her tiny fingers through my balled fist. With wet eyes, I whisper to her, “Do you feel emotional sitting here?”
She says, “Not now. I’ll tell you later.”
I pull it together. Several times. On several tours.
I miss my girl already.
Remembering
We’re at the Airbnb and the just at the end of their junior year girls are showing videos of their most embarrassing moments. The other mom and I beam as our girls display the children we remember with their wonky teeth and innocent words. “I made sun tea and spread mulch with my dad,” my then junior high girl says aloud to her teacher in her “day in the life” video during Covid. Later, she pulls up another video; this one is of her passionately singing about rock formations, which this group of girls can now all sing in unison.
The girls put themselves down in the most playful of ways as us moms remember fondly just how sweet those times were filled with the utmost of family time any generation has ever known.
But here it is. Four years later. Scripps College, Pitzer College, Occidental College, University of California San Diego, San Diego State University, Santa Barbara City College, University of California Santa Barbara.
As we eat food and intentionally review each school, the girls are discovering more about themselves and what they are drawn to. They become increasingly individualized in this process as they envision themselves in both these small scale and enormous sized institutions.
Processing Amazing College Tours
My girl and I take a walk at the end of our tours. We talk about fit and money and wants and realities. It’s hard. Because I want my daughter to have it all. Just like me at Keuka College in 1996. Making the best of friends, having professors who cared and still love me to this day, and falling into a career that is so vital to my life and well being.
But times are different now. College is 150% more expensive than it was in 1996 and the cost is rising by a few thousand dollars every year. Combined with record numbers of kids applying, some folks say it’s like trying to win the lottery when it comes to getting a spot.
We walk the coast pathway. She goes through all her feelings; I try not to correct them or shift them into a positive spin. Then it’s dinner time. Ramen and hot tub. She goes downtown with just the teens. Things get good once again.
My mom friend tells me about her “pickles” and announces that every family has them. She shares with me about her dilemma when it comes to sending her kid to college, and I feel for her. It’s different from my “pickle” but it’s one nonetheless, and she gets tearful as she reflects on those challenges. This is when I understand her “not now” comment when on the tours. The experience of sending your kid to college is an emotional one.
Commemorating Touring Colleges
When we wake up in the morning, I ask my girl to take a picture with me to commemorate this trip together. I want to get as close as I can to the beach, which is just several steps out the door. She’s tired and isn’t willing to cross the street to get a really good view. But I’ll take this opportunity in whatever capacity she allows.
We stand in front of the gate to the rental. As our mom friend says, “Ready girls?” and prepares to take the picture, to my surprise my daughter wraps her free arm around my waist. This gesture feels like an invitation to wrap her up in my whole hearted, never wanting to let you go embrace. Seconds go by and she’s released back into the wild. Heading towards her friends and luggage. We’ve got a plane to catch.
I ride all the way to the airport thinking hard on what my family can do to make dreams happen. I’m shifting between websites and my notes section on my phone. Jotting down scholarships. Coming up with ideas.
The Plane Ride After Amazing College Tours
It’s time to board. My mom friend and I nab seats next to one another and wonder about why there is water dripping down from the overhead bin on her jean jacket. It’s an every once in a while droplet but consistent nonetheless. In her “doctor humor” fashion, she tells me it could be the formaldehyde dripping from the dead body in the overhead compartment. I chuckle along, but feel a bit anxious as the plane takes off. In my “therapist who treats anxiety” sort of thinking, I imagine the back of it hitting the run way and smashing the tail end off. Listen, we’ve all got our stuff.
Upon landing, we eventually get ready to leave the airport. Giving hugs and appreciation for one another, the teens sharing a few inside jokes as they embrace. My girl smiles big.
Amazing Kids Doing Amazing Things
As I get home and unpack my bag, I tell my husband about the journey and about our daughter. I know she’s ready to go. I also know there’s more work to do before that happens.
But if this trip has taught me one thing, it’s that there are so many amazing kids in the world who are building their futures right at this very moment. They’re going to class, joining clubs, and coming up with ideas to shape our world. College kids are cultivating relationships that very well may last for a lifetime. They’re struggling and finding their way. And I want my daughter to be a part of that. Because there’s only so much growing she can do under this mama’s wing. Like a hen on a farm, my little chick has outgrown my embrace.
So yes my dear girl, go to class. Put yourself out there. Step away from your social media. Know it’ll be hard at first. Build your community. Find those professors who care. And before you know it, it’ll be over sooner than you think. And every step along the way, I’ll be cheering you on. While you may no longer fit under my wing, you will always fit in my heart. You’ve got this!
Want to Join with a Group Parents with Teen Girls?
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If you are interested in learning more about amazing college tours, check out Road2College.
